Category: Writing

Dec 26, 2011 by

Happy Holidays!

I hope you’ve all been having good ones ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve spent Christmas at my sister’s in Cornwall (it’s not just me who loves this part of the country in my family!). She’s decorated the house very thoroughly; so thoroughly she objected to any presents that didn’t match her colour scheme and hid them at the back of the tree! We’re currently enjoying leftovers for breakfast (at 1pm, what of it?) and watching old films, and we’ll be off for a seafront walk later.

It’s been fun, combining our christmas traditions with her boyfriend’s. We always see a film on Christmas Eve and open one present before bed. His family always go to the pub on Christmas day and he plays the bagpipes. My boyfriend is currently at the football with his family; their boxing day tradition (I see him again tomorrow, after a week apart – the longest separation in our relationship so far!).

Do any of you guys have any hard and fast traditions that your holiday isn’t complete without?

Nov 10, 2011 by

Belated Bram Stoker Review

I came back from Bram Stoker straight into seven days at work, so I’m still lagging a bit behind (and I’ve still got a bit of washing to catch up on!). I thought I’d start with the film reviews this year, in airing order.

As with previous years, there were some issues with screenings. Most were with the sound, which occasionally cut out, but some of the DVDs froze. It’s hard to say how much of it was the equipment at the Pavilion and how much was the quality (and format) of the digital copies.

Summaries of the films here, until next year’s replace them!

Friday

The Killage – Missed (on a train!)

Adam Chaplin – Missed (waiting to check in at the Youth Hostel)

Zombiefication – A+
Probably one of my favourite shorts in the whole festival. A smart, tongue-in-cheek PSA on what to do should you discover one of your fellow cinema goers is a zombie. I have a real softspot for anything that takes ‘living in a world where zombies are the norm’ and runs with it anyway. This would sit perfectly before a Romero film.

Cabine of the Dead – A
Though this short was a little predictable, it was very well-executed and satisfying to watch. Sometimes the best ideas are the obvious ones.

Solos (Descendents) – C
Though the premise is interesting – in a world where the zombie virus is airborn, what if children develop an immunity? How do people react to them? – the execution was lacking. The quality wasn’t really up to a big screen, though the green-screened landscapes in the background were nicely done. The child actors weren’t great, and it was clear that the use of voice-over was partly to get passed this fact, but it left the film exposition heavy. The flashbacks started out well but ended up retreading the same ground over and over. And the ending was simply bizarre.

Vampires – B
I also have a soft-spot for mockumentaries. Vampires is a pretty good example, but it doesn’t quite hit the highs of 2009’s Nightlife. It had some nice touches, but overall it dragged a little.

Edgar Allen Poe Shorts
The Tell Tale Heart – D
No relation to the original story, but not enough plot to hold up on its own.
The Raven – B+
It’s hard to do The Raven originally, but this was a solid adaptation with some nice touches.
The Pit and the Pendulum – C+
This felt more like a summary than an adaptation; it rocketed through the story and entirely missed the point of the slow descent of the pendulum.
Annabel Lee – A-
The most ‘Poe-ish’ of the lot, with amazing visuals.

Last Seen on Dolores Street – A
Short, sweet, spot on.

Grave Encounters – B (Best Director)
A strong found-footage film, but it dragged towards the end. The daylight walkthrough at the beginning flagged up every single scare. The satanic altar was just overkill.

Clive Barker’s Nightbreed – Missed
It was over half an hour late to start, and having got up at 5:30 I flaked and went home ๐Ÿ™‚

Saturday

Deriva – A
For a short this was impressively ambitious. It was clever, well-shot, and really stuck with me.

Alice Jacobs is Dead – A+
This was moving, smart, very well cast, and some great zombieism.

Pinball – B+
This was a little odd, but a clever take on an old classic.

Threnody – C+
Dull and a little cliche, but well execute.

The Orphan Killer – D-
Imagine a slasher flick drinking game.
Female Nudity: check
Killer in a mask: check
Childhood trauma: check
Depravity fault of the establishment: check
Taking the elevator in an emergency: check
Biology doesn’t work that way: check
Blasphemy (blas-for-you, blas-for-everyone!): check
Implied incest: check
Bloody shower: check
The end, or is it? check
On the one hand, it was a terrible, terrible film. On the other, it’s two hours of drunken entertainment. I mean, despite everything I kind of want to go out and buy it, just to inflict it on other people. It’s a few winkwinknudgenudges away from being quite a smart parody, but sadly it insists on taking itself seriously.

Cassadaga – A
This was more of a thriller with a supernatural element than a horror, but it was one of the best thrillers I’ve seen in a while. Not only is the heroine deaf but she’s genuinely intelligent. When she says she’s called the cops, she’s actually called the cops! I’m not sure to what extent I can comment on the portrayal of a deaf character, but to me it seemed fairly well done. In her classes at university there’s a sign language translator, her boyfriend takes advantage of the fact she can’t see what he’s saying if he turns his head, and she has a bad habit of focusing on other people in the car to join in the conversation rather than looking at the road.

Bonnie & Clyde Vs Dracula – C+
This was a good, fun film, but when you call a film ‘Bonnie and Clyde vs Dracula’ I expect them to share more than five minutes screentime, and I expect that to happen some time before the 1.5 hour point. It dragged a bit, and felt more like a set up for a sequel than something that really stood alone.

Last Caress – Missed (at the Vampire Ball)

Living Dead Girl – Missed (at the Vampire Ball)

Haunted Changi – Missed (at the Vampire Ball, then in bed!)

Sunday

Our group nicknamed Sunday ‘Rape Sunday’. Three out of Five features had rape in. If that’s likely to be a trigger for you, you might want to skip to Monday.

The Demonology of Desire – C-
This was a mishmash of good ideas that didn’t really work well together.

The Eyes of Edward James – B+
The premise was good, though I’m not sure if hypnotism is the best way to present an unreliable narrator. It became a little bit confused towards the end, and it could have stretched a little further.

Deus Irae – A-
I would love to see a series of shorts about this characters. Sexy, leatherclad vicars kick demon ass.

El Hombre De La Bolsa – C+
This was a good collection of creepy images, but there was no coherent plot or character motivation. For example, if you could get out of a stuck lift, why wouldn’t you?

Axed – A- (Best Screenplay)
The blurb of this film is flaccid and overlong. The film is taut and engaging. The characters are reasonably smart and the pacing is good.

Waste Disposal – Cancelled

Shadows – B+ (Best Film Award)
This was really made as a commercial film, staring William Hunt and Cary Elwes, but failed to find distribution in the credit crunch. There’s a touch of orientalism to the plot, but it has a good sense of mythology and the landscapes are stunning.

Vamperifica – B- (Audience Award and Best Horror/Comedy Award)
A smart, funny film about an unlikely candidate for King of the Vampires with an entirely unecessary rape. Of all the Rape Sunday films this was the worst because it served no point in the plot that a mugging wouldn’t have and existed only to further the characterisation of the male protagonist, Carmen. It’s an excuse for him to kill someone violently, to be smug about killing someone, to fall out with his best friend (the girl who was raped). We see nothing of the aftermath from her point of view barring a single scene which focuses mainly on Carmen’s plot arc. It’s a real shame, because otherwise it’s a good film that sets up for a sequel you actually want to see.

Baby Shower – B
Imagine Sex and the City meets the Wicker Man. There’s a lot of European-style gore; no screwdrivers in thighs a la Orphan Killer, just fingers in wounds and someone’s penis being bitten off. There’s rape here too, but it’s relevant to the plot and it’s impact on the characters being raped is shown. It started to drag a little towards the end.

The Hike – D
D is for ‘Distasteful’. D is for ‘bad Dialogue’. D is for ‘so much rape it got Dull’. How a film with five female protagnists can fail the Bechdel Test I’m not sure (oh, wait, one of them bitches about hiking for a bit. That’s a conversation not about men. The only one.). And having one of the male character mansplain rape to one of the women? Oh dear. The worst part is it was really well shot. It had the potential to be a really good horror film in the style of The Descent. Instead, it decided to tell us that these five women had chosen to go hiking together, wearing short shorts, belly shirts and wellies, leaving the roof down on their convertible and, despite the fact the motivation for this holiday is one of them has recently lost their boyfriend (and another’s in an abusive relationship) , do nothing but talk about hot boys.

Monday

Fies Sisters Shorts
Hard to Do – A-
Sharp and funny
Scrutinize – B
Let down by poor sound quality, but otherwise sharply observed.
Fauxย  – C
This needed something more to make it horror. Narrative, possibly. As it was, it was a film about a woman undressing. Some of her clothes were shoplifted.
Scream Queen – C
Not as funny as it thought it was.

Nightmares in Red, White and Blue
A documentary attempting to look at political aspects of American horror films, but lacks the time to do it in depth. Like a lot of documentaries of this type, it’s more of a ‘to watch’ list.

Playthings: Hunt – B-
This felt like a scene from a longer movie. No real context, but well shot and tense.

Juan Con Miedo – B+
A traditional folk ghost story. Quite sweet, really.

The Furred Man – A+
A great example of how to make a small budget really work for you. Smart, funny, and spot on.

Sacrifice – A-
This is begging for a crossover short with Deus Irae. Another fun priest vs demon short, the clever approach making what would otherwise be something slightly cliche much more entertaining.

Attack of the Martain Mutant From Mars – ๐Ÿ™‚
Like a lot of films of this type, it’ll appeal most to people who know the cast. AKA the festival organisers. Good fun, and a great excuse for Rubber Gorilla to show of their work.

An Evening with My Comatose Mother – A (Best Short)
The size of the budget really showed in this long short. It’s the sort of thing you expect to see as a TV episode on hallowe’en. Terrifying clown puppet, creepy children, very slick production values.

The Millennium Bug – A- (Best SFX)
Think early Peter Jackson; Braindead, Bad Taste. Tongue in Cheek, CGI-free, good fun romp.

Absentia – A+
A moving film, tautly paced, with realistic relationships and well-realised mythology.

The Devil’s Refects – Missed (didn’t really fancy Rob Zombie after the painful melancholy of Absentia)

Oct 28, 2011 by

Choctato Challenge!

So last week, the boyfriend and I were chatting about a date we’d had the day before. We’d gone to a very nice restaurant and both ordered duck in chocolate sauce on mashed potato (with a fancier name!). And I mentioned I’d been watching a cooking show where the contestants were challenged to make a menu with potato in every dish, including a chocolate and potato brownie for dessert. I was going over to the boyfriend’s for dinner the next day and we joked about him doing a chocolate and potato menu. I expressed skepticism that he could pull off a chocolate and potato starter.

He took this as a challenge.

I turned up the next day for dinner, and was fed the following…

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Sep 26, 2011 by

Monday Motivation

Representation of Women edition:

Women in Fantasy Novels, and the problem with going from positive depictions in YA fantasy to the damsels in distress ofย  ‘grown up’ fantasy.

Women in Comics, and why it’s no surprise the industry is dying when companies are still failing to court 50% of the population.

Women in Hollywood in the 60s and 70s, and how hard it was for their male colleague to realise ‘woman’ is not actually a personality type.

Women in Science, and why Marie Curie isn’t the only historical female scientist who made a big impact.