I’ve decided that, to make sure I update regularly, I’m going to declare Wednesdays days for blogging about writing (in general), and Fridays for Food (because I can). Website updates and submissions and so on will appear whenever relevant.

So, first Writing Wednesday post is on the subject of sex! Namely, vocabulary in sex scenes.

It’s easy to feel silly writing sex. You don’t want to sound too clinical, but you don’t want to get too euphemistic, either. You need to bear in mind the view point character’s speech patterns, but you don’t want to get bogged down in slang.

So, these are my personal Nos for a sex scene. Unless you’re deliberately trying to make me giggle.

Words too Clinical for Sex Scenes – does it appear in a biology text book?

Orifice
Abdomen
Phallus
Sphincter
Perinuem
Pudenda
Vulva
Uterus (which shouldn’t really appear in a sex scene at all unless you’re being really detailed about conception)
Cervix (see Uterus)

Words too Euphemistic for Sex Scenes – Has it appeared in the purple prose parody contest?

Rod
Love Tool
Manhood/Manroot/Manmeat (if it begins with man, drop it!)
Sword
Wand
Tower
Orbs/Mounds/Globes
Flower/Petals/Buds/Cherries
Tunnel
Sleeve
Garden
Pad
Divinity/Masculinity/Femininity
Parts

Words too Casual for Sex Scenes – Did Rowan Atkinson use it in that Not The Nine O’Clock News sketch?

Willy (Will-eeee!)
Dong
Schlong
Nuts
Boobies
Titties (oddly, I think you can get away with both Boobs and Tits. It’s the diminuation that’s the passion killer)
Baps
Nubbins
Berries
Front Bottom/vajayay/hoo-hah/we’re not five year’s old why are you doing this to us?
Twat
Cunny
Gash (also the unfortunate name of an underwear chain)

Bad Verbs
Oozing
Weeping
Tearing
Ripping
Gaping
Slurping
Squishing
Exploding

Anyone else got words they’d like to add to those lists?